“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
Who am I to argue with the great Mark Twain? Screw work, I’m going shopping!
So the 11th thing that I did on my summer vacation was read all three 50 Shades of Grey books. (Thank god for e-readers, so no one knew what I was reading and why I was blushing.)
I really think that 50 Shades of Grey should be marketed as Viagra for women…specifically married women and even more specifically married mommies?
I mean seriously. What could be hotter than explicitly hot sex, and love (sigh) with a hot but emotionally unavailable billionaire (and is there any word hotter in the English language than billionaire? Maybe the phrase ” lonely billionaire on his deathbed.”) Women go nuts over guys they can’t have, and the idea that you could be the one who wins him over and changes him… swoon. This is similar to the male phenomenon known as “the stripper really likes me” syndrome.
All in all… sexy reading but not that well written, and by the second book I was already bored with the riding crops and floggers. I never thought I would use that phrase for many reasons, but it’s true. There was so much of it in the first book that I was seriously desensitized to it by then. How many different ways could a girl be trussed up, blindfolded, and spanked in a blow-by-blow (he-he. sorry.) account? I do have to give major street cred to E. L. James and all the married mommies who have made this book a faster selling paperback than Harry Potter (Quidditch aint got nuthin’ on BDSM). Way to take your libido into your own…um…hands ladies. And husbands around the world… you all owe Mrs. James some flowers or at least a hearty high-five.
Shel Silverstein has been my absolute favorite since I was just a wee nerd, sneakily reading books with a flashlight after my bedtime. This poem always makes me tear up. If it doesn’t make you almost cry… you are dead inside. You should just give up and try out for the Real World.
Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”
Said the old man, “I do that too.”
The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”
I do that too,” laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, “I often cry.”
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems
Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
I know what you mean,” said the little old man.”
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
Oh man, I love me some Dr Seuss. He just gets it…
“O sleep, O gentle sleep,
Nature’s soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down
And steep my sense in forgetfulness?”
-William Shakespeare, Henry IV, Part I
I am pretty sure that this the elegant way of saying, “C’mon Sleep! What the fuck!?”
Here are the rules for this award:
1. Thank the person who nominated you.
Thank you to Real-Life Housewife for thinking enough of my little blog to nominate me! Check out her blog for another honest take on motherhood and such. It’s wonderful!! It always surprises me that anyone cares what I have to say, and your comments and messages of support mean the world to me. I get a lot of satisfaction in writing this blog and you all encourage me when I have those days that I want to pull my hair out… which, let’s face it, is pretty much every day at some point.
2. There are no limits for how many fellow bloggers you can nominate.
I would like to nominate the following bloggers, whose blogs inspire me in many different ways.
The Jenny Blog: Beautiful person. Great writer. Just an honest and funny look at whatever is going on in her life or in her head at the moment.
Love-fed: Great recipes for healthy, delicious food and for life.
Holding Kairos: She’s the perfect combo of sweet and salty…just how I like my snacks and my blogs. This is a blog that I really relate to.
Moths to a Flame: A very funny blog about her misadventures in dating. Ahhh the single life…
I hope you too will give out this award. It’s such a great way to link people to new blogs!
3. Share some things about you but alphabetically just a word or two about you starting with each alphabet. (Or alternatively, just write the first word you think of)
A: is for Apples. I have been reading waaaaaaay too many children’s books!
B: Brain = quite foggy most days.
C: Courtney. Does that make me Conceited?
D: Dammit. I think it Does!!
E: Elephants. I love elephants. My dream vacation is to go on a safari in South Africa and see elephants in their natural enviroment.
F: Friends. Soooo important to have good friends to lean on sometimes.
G: Gravity. Doesn’t work to your body’s advantage, especially after you have a baby. = (
H: Husband. I hate to brag but mine is the best. Back off ladies!
I: I am…
K: Kidding. I feel like I have to use this phrase a lot when people don’t get my jokes. (which is more often than I would like to admit)
L: Lyla. The love of my life.
M: Me! Again with the vanity (people who write blogs must be fairly vain if they think anyone cares what they have to say, right? I’m just kidding. Sorta…
N: Never say never. I find myself doing things I never thought I would do. Daily.
O: Open. I try to be open and honest.
P: Poopie. A word that I find myself saying since I’ve become a mom, and I am embarrassed in front of myself.
Q: A good letter to have in Words with Friends, which I am addicted to. (But only if you have a U)
R: Read. Love to do it, but rarely get to indulge these days.
S: Sleep. Need more.
T: Time Machine. I want one. Not to go back in time but to create MORE of it!
U: See Q.
V: Victorious. How I feel when I finish a writing assignment or blog post.
X: Xtra annoying. Cutesy spelling of words is one of my pet peeves
Y: Yawn. A language I speak fluently.
Z: Zassy. How I would describe myself… if only Sassy started with a Z. And I was the kind of person who used words like sassy.
As always, thanks for reading!
As I spend 48 hours packing and obsessing over a 24 hour trip… I realize that when you are a mom, you can take a lot of trips but you rarely take a VACATION.
The comfort level of one’s bed is directly proportional to the volume of one’s baby’s screams. Ie: The louder and more urgent the cries, the more comfortable the bed… as in harder to get out of. Unfortunately the inverse is also true. Once the baby falls back asleep and volume level is low, the bed is somehow not nearly as comfortable, and therefore mommy is left tossing and turning for at least 1.5 hours, or as long as it takes for baby’s volume to again reach a dull roar.
Quote of the Day: On Love
The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.
But the Skin Horse only smiled.
The Velveteen Rabbit was my favorite book when I was little, and it still is. Even though it is a children’s story, it is so insightful about the meaning of love. The Skin Horse is so wise! (Plus, he has the coolest name… kinda sounds like porn star, right?)