Exactly one year ago, I gave birth. No, not to the little bundle of feces, vomit and joy that I named Lyla, but to the little bundle of feces, vomit and joy that I named The Good, The Bad and The Saggy. Similar to a new baby, this little blog has given me many sleepless nights, much laughter and a few tears. But most similar to a new baby, over the past year this little blog has grown up a lot, and has caused me to grow up as well. But don’t expect me to stop using the F word or laughing at fart jokes just yet. I’m not dead. And farts are funny.
So, to celebrate a year of successful blogging (How do I measure success? Hey, I’m still here, right?!) I will do as many a mildly successful sitcom has done before me and not-so-sneakily repackage old material as a brand new episode and call it a FLASHBACK OF SAGGY’S GREATEST HITS. Hey, after a year of blogging, I deserve to be lazy!
So, without further ado, I now present a compilation of some of my and your favorite posts from the past year. Perhaps some of these you will read for the first time, perhaps you have already read them and wish to reread, perhaps you think I am lazy and don’t give a shit, perhaps you are having an affair with a six-fingered circus clown. Who knows, regardless I don’t judge. Enjoy!!
First, what better place to start than the beginning? This was my very first post about all the things that change when you become a mother. (Please note that I have overused ellipses from my very post, and continue to do so to this day. Who says everything has to change?):
Next is my all-time favorite Random Thought. It is a philosophical question that has been debated since the beginning of time… or at least since the beginning of baby monitors:
This next post is when I first began to realize that our children teach us as much as we teach them:
Breastfeeding is always a hot topic, but it doesn’t have to be. Whatever you can or choose to do, give yourself and other moms a break:
This post was one of my most personal and the hardest post I’ve written. Reading it now, I can laugh at myself a bit, but I still remember how tough it was for me:
Another valuable lesson my daughter taught me:
My post on my realization that I am not as cool or as young as I think I am. (still struggling with this one):
The guilt, the angst, the awful feeling you can’t shake when you leave your child forever… or at least for a few hours:
This one still gets me all hot and bothered:
My post about my first year with my daughter. The TRUTH:
This was my first ever blog post that I wrote and never posted until a year later when I finally started this blog. All about pregnancy:
Prepare yourself for having a baby. Read this, then panic:
Ugh. Mean Moms still drive me crazy!:
A horror story (don’t read before bed):
Another very personal post. This I ponder still:
A reminder that the small things ARE usually the big things:
Another toughie for me:
True Story. It’s even better if you watch the video on my Facebook page:
The Real F word is far more dangerous than “Fuck”. Saying fuck is fun:
I know I just wrote this, but I still love the image of my daughter’s little hand poking through the bars of her crib:
Thanks again everyone for supporting me by reading the blog and with your comments, messages, questions and ideas. That’s what this is all about for me… supporting one another through this crazy journey we call parenthood. And continuing on this crazy journey… NEXT WEEK I WILL BE RELAUNCHING THIS BLOG with a new look, new address and lots of new posts for you to read. Oh, and did I mention there will be wine?! For me of course, but hey, wine is wine. Stay tuned!!
So I admit, it’s hard for me to get all high and mighty on this subject because I am probably a perpetrator of the exact annoying activity that I am about to call out, but I am going to get all high and mighty anyway because this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want. Parents, for the sake of your Facebook friends and family, and the people you barely knew in high school but who inexplicably friended you anyway, and the people who you don’t know but friended you because they thought you were cute, but then realized that you were married/crazy/not as attractive as you look in your profile pic, for the sake of all these people… slow your roll on the kiddie pics. We all know that your kids are adorable, cute, funny and better than everyone else’s, but we don’t need to see 8000 pictures of your child. Per week. Quite frankly, most of us stopped looking after commenting on your Facebook announcement of “It’s a boy!” (What, no cigars?)
So, to make this easy on everyone (including myself) let’s break down acceptable Facebook posting habits for parents:
1) Number of photos – Photos should be restricted to holidays, special events, extra cute moments and possibly vacation photos (as long as there are other photos included of said vacation, like the ones of you taking a body shot off a Mexican stripper while in Playa Del Carmen – while baby is napping of course.) Photos should be limited to no more than 50 baby photos per year, and if you come even close to this limit, you give up the right to get angry when people stop looking.
2) Graphic “fresh from the womb” baby photos – Not allowed. Ever. Although you are probably doing the world a favor by drastically lowering the world’s population by scaring possible future parents into NOT having their unborn children, it’s still not acceptable to post a photo of your blue, screaming baby covered in blood and other unmentionable goo on your Facebook page. (As I believe that I am guilty of this heinous crime, I wholeheartedly apologize to all the people I have scarred for life.)
3) Baby’s photo as your profile picture – Only acceptable if YOU are IN the photo as well. Otherwise it’s just confusing. Plus, it’s harder for people to stock you on Facebook if they can’t tell whose profile it is. Just stop it.
4) Status updates – These should be limited to very cute or very funny things your child said, did or projected from his or her body, and should be capped at no more than 1/wk.
5) Diaper shots – Nope.
6) Funny photos of your baby doing inappropriate things – As funny as it is to see your baby with a beer in her mouth, cigarette in his hand, or wearing a witty onesie that reads, “Future pole dancer” (true story), this activity should be limited to one time. Ever. Otherwise you are a bad parent. And even if you are not… everyone thinks you are.
Alright, alright so I’ll get off my soap box. For now. If you are a perpetrator of these crimes, don’t feel bad, most parents are. But let’s make a pact to stop the madness. Now.
What Facebook posting crimes would you like to see come to an end?