Ok kids, gather ’round because I’m gonna tell you a story. Names and dates have been changed, but the facts are real. Well, mostly real.
Once upon a time there was a little Princess. The little Princess was happy in her ranch-style castle in Colorado, but she was cursed. Some wicked witch… or possibly genetics… had cast a spell that made the little Princess unable to see very well. So the little Princess was again cursed… this time with glasses. She didn’t mind them too much at first, though the big thick glasses (with pink-tinted lenses because the misguided Princess thought it made her look like she was wearing eyeshadow) got in the way of her playing sports, and they were constantly sliding down her face. She didn’t mind that a few kids made fun of her and called her “4-Eyes,” because it made her tough like a knight. And she didn’t mind that she wasn’t really a beautiful princess because she thought that if she couldn’t be the fairest in the land, she would be the funniest. She learned that laughter is the best self-defense, stronger than any sword. She learned to make fun of herself before other people could. And she began to learn one of the most valuable skills that any princess or knight could ever have… not to listen to what the court fools say about her. But this, my children, this is a skill that takes a lifetime to perfect.
One day, the 4-eyed Princess got magical contacts, and her whole world changed. She could do many of the things she wanted to do without worrying about her glasses, and many of the knights in the kingdom began to look at her in a new way. But, this new power did come with a price. Her eyes were often red and sore. Sometimes she would lose her contacts and the King and Queen would lock in a tower to punish her. (I need a little drama here.) And she still couldn’t do some of the things she wanted to do, like swimming in the ocean, for fear of losing her contacts. But despite all of this, the Princess was happy. And eventually she met her Knight in Shining Armor, and they lived happily ever after.
Until… a few years later the Princess had a little princess of her own. And amazingly, she was able to feed the princess from her own breast. This was also an amazing power, but it, too, came with a price. You see, this magical power can affect you in ways you never imagined, and it made the Princess’ eyes very dry. This, along with little time for the Princess to rest her eyes, combined with wearing contacts for many, many years (more years than the Princess would like to admit) made her tired eyes begin to reject the magical contacts that had so changed her life. And the Princess, once again, found herself cursed with glasses. And though her Knight in Shining Armor assured her that he loved her glasses, the Princess did not love them. They made it hard to all the things she loved to do, like exercise, play outside, and go to the beach; and the little princess would constantly pull them from her face. But the hardest part was that after so many years of having magical contacts, the Princess’ thick armor now had a few chinks in it. Now she found it more difficult not to care what the fools might think of her. She no longer was a knight who paraded around confidently in her glasses. She was now a peasant who slunk around, hoping that no one would notice her. And the Princess didn’t like herself very much.
One day, the Princess went to see a magical Eye Wizard, in a very, very fancy castle in the greatest kingdom of all… Beverly Hills. The Wizard told the Princess that his magic could make her see again. But she would have to be very brave. And pay most of the gold in her vault (almost more gold than she had paid for car). The Princess was frightened… mostly of the dragons of her own making. You see, she is very scared of doctors and hospitals, and has an almost paralyzing fear of needles. She was no longer a knight, and even if she was, her humor tactic wouldn’t help her here. (Trust me, the Princess tried, but apparently most Eye Wizards don’t have a sense of humor.) Her Knight in Shining Armor helped her face her fears, even though she was scared (and also pretty sweaty) she went to Wizard’s castle and had him cast his spell on her.
When she awoke from her slumber, the Princess was very surprised and very, very happy to see that she could… well, SEE. She no longer had to hold her alarm clock directly in front of her face to see what time it was. She could look at her Knight, and see that he was smiling at her. (Although, when he is frowning the Princess might still pretend that she cannot see his face.) The Princess was finally FREE of her curse. She was proud of herself that she had faced her dragons. And though it was the Eye Wizard who had cast the spell, it was she (and her gold) who had the courage to break the curse. Once again the Princess felt like the knight she once was. Like she could do anything. And she lived happily ever after…
especially when she finally met Sir Ryan Gosling, who fell immediately in love with the brave Princess and her new eyes. Of course, she already had her Knight, so she let him down gently, but he swore he would never love another (especially that hideous witch Eva Mendes).
Hey, this is my fairy tale…
The Princess and her curse